Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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