1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
