Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I am naked and annoyed.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
did i just pee glitter
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize