it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
