RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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