ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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