I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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