First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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