I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize