did you get engaged???
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Found your dick twin last night
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
