what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
