if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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