i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize