Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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