areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
