Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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