Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I did not marry a roomba.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
