my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
