now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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