these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
