We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he thought i was a dude.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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