Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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