I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
are you so shy because you have an std?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
