The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
