Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
