You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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