lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
