So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
We got so high we made milksteak
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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