How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I think I sprained my soul last night
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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