I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
