I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
