Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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