Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
