Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
