How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You can't just leave with hair like that
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
