he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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