I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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