Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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