Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize