I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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