who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
