Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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