Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
