i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
