Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
