are you still at the devil's house?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
