Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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