I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
