what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
