Too much gin, very little bucket
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
