Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
