I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
