You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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