its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My penis needs a shock collar
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
