you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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