I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
