True but thats because hes a fetus.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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