guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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