True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
