You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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