I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize