Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
