just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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