Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I think i got beer on your cat.
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