We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
