So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Randomize
