I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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