Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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