Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Houston, we have a blender
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You ate ashes out of my bong
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
