She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
