The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
