i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
