I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
