I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
