yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
