I just made out with a guy for $7.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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