Duck Duck Cougar?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
