His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
