I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Randomize
