Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
