cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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