dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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