The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
