My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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