Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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