So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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