last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
