My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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