Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
