i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
