I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
