is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
