OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
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