Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Damn victory sex feels great
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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